whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't think brook has ever known best
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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