I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
