put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
