the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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