Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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