Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
