im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
