and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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