How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
