My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
MIDGETS
????
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
