so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We are two peas in an std pod
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
