Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
