He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
