Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
