once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
