I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
