____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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