3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
