Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
