She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
