I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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