Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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