Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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