i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
