Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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