you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize