Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
