Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
