So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
