i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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