margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm like, not good at living.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
