My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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