and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
