i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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