Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
