i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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