After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
