at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
