I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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