my mouth tastes like poor choices
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
