I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
