saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
