Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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