i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
