Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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