Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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