Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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