If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
