non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
