I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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