You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
