They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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