You can't motorboat a personality
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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