What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
