eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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