got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
