How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
