I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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