i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
